Knowing

  • Okay so one thing I want to hear Nicolas Cage say is “Have you seen Wicker Man?! My face got eaten by bees!” This will be on my mind until it happens.
  • Lucinda, stop being so weird
    • Autocorrect helped with that, more than I am comfortable admitting
  • They need a lot of storage for all 50 time capsules
  • That’s a lot of numbers
  • Hey its little Wednesday Addams!!
  • Ominous music is ominous
  • Bloody fingers! Here, have a band-aid
  • Is this really? The best way to open this movie??
  • Dude, is this how they think of kids today? This little kid is outrageous!!!
  • Nic Cage got schooled by a kid..  And brilliantly schooled.
  • Bitching hearing aids!!!
  • He is so sophisticated, like fuck
  • Brilliant professor, mr cage.
  • Holy shit this sounds like religious indoctrination
  • MORAL NIHILISM OHHHHHHH FUCK,
  • Late because he can’t stop talking
  • How did they make the old lady so damned creepy?!
  • These  kids aree so ravenous!!! This is savage
  • Poor deaf kid, got stuck with a very intense daddy…
  • Clive Owen would kill Nicolas Cage if he were in this movie for doing the slurp thing
  • He is writing random numbers,
  • Needlessly making a mess, so he can edit and copy out numbers
  • Kay calm down on the suspense sheesh
  • I literally just screamed at my tv: “YOU ARE NICOLAS CAGE, YOU ARE NOTHING BUT AWKWARD!!”
  • Wow, skeptical dick of the year award is trying to ruin the movie.
  • This concept came out of someone’s brain
  • So odd… how dare nic cage make the old lady
  • They just gave the little boy a pebble… dafuq
  • DAMMIT TIMMY, WHY DON’T YOU BE NORMAL
  • Yeahz jeeze, he’s a vegetarian and that’s just who he is
  • Holy shit the world is going to hell in a fucking handbasket
  • Hey, asshole, put the cellphone down
  • Oh he is a huge asshole to just leave his phone like that
  • Jet fuel can’t melt cement
    • Wait… can it?!
  • How did anyone survive that incident?!?
  • We didn’t start the fire!
  • He looks constipated
  • Dude should have great parenting skills
  • Seriously, fucked right up. This kid owned his ass
  • Soo. Latitude and longitude have always been the same?!?!
  • Umm, the kid has his mother
  • Sscientific mind, of course!
  • This kid is having a really bad trip
  • Uh, what kind of apocalypse is this
  • Critters burn real good
  • Okay, in all honesty, that animals and moose bit was too much. And less hilarious because moose not with squirrel!
  • We really didn’t start the fire!!!
  • Calm down you over actor
  •  IT ISN’T SLENDER MAN
  • Oh because this doesn’t scream stalker enough as it is
  • He went this far out of his way, with his son, to find this woman???
  • Best friends forevarrrrr
  • Wait. She was really interested in him
  • Nic Cage doesn’t beg!!!
  • “This is not a crank call!” You know who says that?! Someone making a crank call!
  • Nic Cage does not look badass…
  • Oh noes, a man in black
  • Did they steal the train scene from the matrix?
  • HOLY CRAP HE IS FREAKING OUT
  • It just keeps going and going and going
  • And going
  • And going
  • Fuck
  • Almost looked like a zombie movie there
  • PATRIOTISM!!!!!!
  • Look at dem side-abs!
  • He has an amazing perma-brood
  • When and how did we get here?
  • Insert Snow White jokes
  • Goodbye horses
  • Oh it’s the pebble again
  • So many pebbles
  • Fucking aliens?!
  • Kid is crazy, but he isn’t stupid
  • Oh he got his gun!!!!
  • Blinded by the light!
  • Ohhhhhhh he is so logical
  • “Honey, why do you sleep in their bed more than ours?”
  • He is a man on a mission
  • SO MUCH SCIENCE!!!
  • He is crashing, so hard
  • Suuuuper regretful, isn’t she?!
  • Theyyyyy’re here
  • See, Nic Cage, you are awkward incarnate.
  • I have a prophecy, it’s about to be proven accurate, I need you to respect it, and receive it as the truth
    • That is actually in this
  • They write his character so awkwardly
  • His dad just wanna get some before the world ends
  • Kid should have lost his nails holy effffffff
  • I hope the person in charge of properly balancing sound effects, music and vocal volumes. Everything is louder than the dialogue
  • He has gone so wild right now
  • The Fast and the Nicolas
  • NOTHING CAN BUT MEEEEEEEE
  • PEBBLE!
  • It amazes me to think that even Grand Theft Auto hasn’t gone this bad, AND THEY MAKE YOU TORTURE SOMEONE
  • It’s the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine
  • He is moving on, very fast
  • To what end do the aliens do this shit?? They clearly operate outside of the 4th dimension, why play these games?? Why exterminate all but a very select few of a species??? Why not just remove them from their planet?
  • It’s a wee little bunny!!
  • Such a big choice
  • I’m not telling you what to do, but I am going to tell you the direction I want you to take
  • How is that even a ship???
  • Why are you looking directly into the light?!
  • Okay so you exist in a dimension that allows you to communicate to us a series of events, not in a chronological order, but still choose to save only a handful, while leaving 7 billion to die
  • This isn’t the end, – uh motherfucking yes it is. The world literally is about to go all smithereens and y’all vaporized. Gone.
  • More than extra crispy
  • Holy shit, is that the magnetic field ripped away?!
  • It’s a big fuckin’ tree
  • That was a hell of a thing
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Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No!

Just wanting to write a quick clarification; this is actually one I did a little while ago, I just copied and pasted the conversation so that’s why there may be some inside jokes popping up. I also hit a spot in the movie where I thought I may have been annoying my friend, so there will be a big gap at one point in time. Maybe later on I will get it patched up, or redone.

  • First off, things I never could have thought in a porno; he is totally pulling focus
  • Holy shit double chainsaw
  • ONLY THIS GUY CAN PULL FOCUS FROM TARA REID
  • This guy is actually worse than vin diesel
  • How does that happen?!
  • She is actually trying to pull the focus herself!!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK
  • BECAUSE SHARKNADOS ARE TOTALLY JUST NOW A THING
  • HOLY SHIT TWO BROOOS
  • Ann Coulter?! Is that you???
  • Authoritative black man
  • Golden Mo’ fuckinh Chainsaw
  • Jesus Christ. So watching a porno alongside sharknado… both the guys are actively trying to pull focus
  • How did that fucking catch on?!
  • I am intrigue
  • “I can sense these storms now.” Holy fuck. That. Happened
  • HOW DOES THE SHARK JUST VOIP UP LIKE THAT?!
  • I WARNED YOU
  • Why, Lou Ferigno
  • Why?!
  • …bill engvall
  • Wat
  • Whi
  • I cri
  • This movie happened
  • Why did it essplode by bullets???
  • HOW THE FUCK ARE THE SHARKS THE ONLY ONES FLYING LIKE HOW IN MOSES DOES THAT FUCKING HAPPEN
  • WHY ARE PENN AND TELLER HERE?!
  • Holy shit now main dudebro is with the Hoff… AND THE HOFF IS STAGING HIM UP, STEALING HIS FOCUS
  • This guy is getting petty about being outdone
  • The tornadoes abduct an absurd amount of sharks
  • Like, more than even exist
  • Sharknado wall
  • I am doing Tom’s stuck-pig laugh at this movie
  • Oh holy fuck. He scoffs at aliens in this movie?!
  • This chick has awesome tiiiiiiiiiits!
  • Good game face bruh!!!!@@
  • This chick totes outdoes tara reid
  • He has his own theme song?!? FUCK YOU RIGHT IN THE FACEHOLE YOU MOTHER FUCKING PRICK
  • .. how is this even plausible? The acceptable fiction is this guy’s acting, the multiple ‘nados (you like? yes you dooooo) is just too much to add to that
  • “You don’t know how to stop being a hero”
  • Was this edited by high school kids?! The graphics seem primitive
  • .. living… in…… clouds….
  • Whi
  • Omg how and why?!
  • Hasselhoff believes he is actually in space
  • My gawd
  • HOLY SHIT AL ROKER FINALLY GOT HIS FACE EATEN OFF
  • .. he was the best part, and he was competing with an immaculate pair of tits. Roker,
  • This guy cannot be less in space than he is now
  • I guess giant lasers beat sharknados… if we can get a thing that can be beaten by sharknados but can beat giant laser, we can have a new edition of Rock Paper Scissors
  • HOW ARE SHARKS IN SPACE HAPPENING ARE YOU FUCKING WHAT FUCK FUCKING FUCK….. THAT SHOULD BE #4, BECAUSE THIS IS TOO MUCH TO HANDLE
  • Oh. Lasersword/chainsaw.
  • YOU SUDDENLY GONNA FIND A BIGASS GREAT WHITE IN SPACE
  • Oh so now you are mother fucking Jason Statham?
  • Well i wanna throw up
  • Message of this movie; having a baby will fix all problems
  • HA fin

 

Mega Shark vs. Mecha Shark

• Omg, that was definitely a whale that did that, though how is that fucking possible to hurl a tugboat?  ○ Heh, tug

• Multicultural news! Huzzah

• Are we going to address the giant octopus?!

• These actors are bad for even a porno

• Jessus she is gonna fuck him, isn’t she?!

• We have the technology, we can build him

• Nuclear?!? I sense tropes and bingo coming

• Oooo crazy person who has a severe personal attachment to the cause

• Wat

• Is that a white guy trying to be Rob Schneider???

• This girl looks very sunken

○ Is that an attempt at hydropun? Yes.

• Wait a second!!!! She was the lady love from Nightmare Before Christmas

• Pearl Harbour?! Are they trying to reignite fears of the japanese?!?

• This locker room is so poorly designed

• Seriously

• Some lockers cannot physically be opened!!!

• This whole scene is one long continuity error

• They switch betweem 2 angles and… her hand is not in the same place twice

• He is significantly older than her

• One aggressive beast. Wow

• What if the shark tries to mate with mechashark

• I don’t know shit about shark mating habits

• Or anatomy

• Lights, cameras, bitchin’ technology!!! (NICK CAGE)

• How does that eye thing even work??? It isn’t even in her line of sight

• Wow, sharks have technical moves

• Beast has been taaaagged

• Omg I am actually afraid of drowning in a submarine

• Nero… so important

• This man is a forest whitaker without the eye thing, and is a heavy smoker

• Why will no one let the man smoke???

• Feeney! Feeeeeeeenay!!!!!! Fuh-he-he-he-heeney!!!!!

• Oh she has a bottle of booze she must haves a probleeeeeem

• This reporter looks very tired

• Why will no one let her sleep?

• 3 days no sleep.

• This is night rider, but with a giant shark instead of a car

• Holy fuck

• Wait, AI is a thing now too?!

• Giant robot and giant shark

• Wow

• This movie promised, AND delivered

• Oil spill too?! Well fuck this world is fucked.

• How were they able to generate the force to get to the plane’s alitutde?!

• Sweet jesus

• YOU SUNK MY BATTLESHIP

• Holy shit, she just did that??!

• Yeah, inspirational man is inspirational

• Cold hard bitch, you know, the song

• What the shiiiiiiiiiiit is with that static?!

• Wow that giant robot shark is a masterpiece

• Hello, Dave. Negative, Dave. FEENEY IS NOW HAL!

• That shark displaces no water, at all. Ever. Evolution, man.

• His subordinates are more confident than he is

• Their info screen tells actually nothing

• This shark is part antman, he keeps shifting sizes

• Holy shit can this poor woman ever get a day off?! She deserves a nap people, a 16 hour nap, followed by a 10-minute pee break, half an hour to eat, 2 hours of whatever she wants, another 15 minutes to eat, then cleans up, brushes teeth etc and then another nap for as long as she needs. This one will probably be less than 16 hours but I think when getting yourself rested it is important to also take a bathroom break for sanitation reasons.

• That was a struggle to type out

• I am not surprised that this movie barely has just over 1 star on netflix.

• Holy fuck it will purely be a robot shark versus a giant shark

• Montaaaaaaaaage

• Dogfight!!!

• Wait, I didn’t see the interracial porn tag

• Holy shit this shark is a gigantic fuckboy, pissed of because he expects sex

• She has been kept awake for a whole other day for your movie you sick sons of bitches

• And now you’re making her talk to a reptilian?!

• What an unattractive and featureless person

• He is going to say m’lady to her at dome point, isn’t he?!

• CUT THE BLUE WIRE!!!!

• Ooooo, techy talk!

• Feeney is fiesty!!!

• Uh, daytime loop??

• “No need to worry folks, this is just an exercise!”

• That shark has mastered the belly flop

• Holy shit this little girl should have been warned about strangers

• Hey, did you guys hear that distraction?!

• Ah ah ah, you didn’t say the magic word

• Holy shit, you mean to tell me that this thing was programed to operate like a real shark?!

• He is so not threatening, but the officer he is yelling at isn’t even a fully developed person so he just caves

• THERE IS A SHARK TANK THIS IS THE GREATEST DAY OF MY LIFE

• He’s quitting, like that…. Who behaves like that??

• That was slow, even for slow motion.

• She finally got to sleep, and then you give her this shit to deal with?!

• ….did that guy have a random chest burster??? You kill a character, somewhat gruesomely, and you don’t even show how he died?!

• Real life Mr Garrison?!

• Holy shit, there is a conversation about mecha shark vs mega shark. They discussed it.

• Is he saying she’s a bad driver because she is a woman??

• This thing is in kill mode, but why is a robot behaving like a shark and tryna eat fleeeeeesh?

• Where did she go???

• Ohhhh she did make it

• Good pep talk coach

• There should be more chaos with the GIANT ROBOT FUCKING SHARK BUT NO

• How does mecha shark turn so suddenly???

• You sunk my battleship, AGAIN

• Baby shark do dooo, do do do do

• Hal is a dick

• How does that shark never end up creating wakes??

• Pink miiiiiiist

• Shark go boooooooom

ROSIE, YOU GOT SOME ‘SPLAININ TO DO